Do I need to obey my family regarding who to marry and who not to marry?
In Islam, the issue of obedience to family regarding marriage is nuanced and involves both respect for family opinion and personal choice. The Qur'an provides guidance on marriage, underscoring the importance of justice and fairness, especially in the context of marrying multiple spouses. It states, And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.
4:3. This verse highlights the importance of fairness in marriage arrangements.
Furthermore, family involvement in marriage is also emphasized. In a narration from Al-Kafi, it is noted that concerning a man who wants to marry off his sister, he should consult her, and if she remains silent, that is considered her consent. If she refuses, he does not marry her off. If she says, Marry me to so-and-so,
then marry her to whoever pleases her Al-Kafi 3:344. This emphasizes that while family members, particularly guardians, may have a role in the decision-making process, the individual's consent is paramount.
Thus, while it is important to consider family opinions and guidance in marriage, ultimately, one should also assert their own preferences and desires in choosing a spouse.
Sources
-
4:3 · An-Nisaa
4:3 · Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَٰثَ وَرُبَٰعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَٰنُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟
And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.
-
Al-Kafi 3:344
Al-Kafi · Book 3, Hadith 344
When the sperm descends into the womb, Allah, the Almighty and Glorious, sends an angel who takes from the soil in which the person will be buried and molds it into the sperm. Thus, his heart longs for that soil until he is buried in it. — OR — I asked Abu Abdullah (peace be upon him) about the people of Mecca, whether they perform Mu'tah. He said: They have no Mu'tah. I asked: Then what about one who lives there? He said: If he stays a year or two, he acts like the people of Mecca. I said: What if he stays for a month? He said: He performs Mu'tah. I asked: How so? He said: He leaves the Sacred precinct. I asked: Where does he enter Ihram for Hajj? He said: From Mecca, approximately as people say. — OR — Concerning a man who wants to marry off his sister, he consults her, and if she remains silent, that is considered her consent. If she refuses, he does not marry her off. If she says, 'Marry me to so-and-so,' then marry her to whoever pleases her. An orphan girl under a man's guardianship is not married except with her consent. — OR — Regarding the words of Allah the Exalted, "Indeed, the penalty for those who wage war against God and His Messenger and strive upon earth to cause corruption is that they be killed..." This signifies exiling from fighting (muharaba), but this is not the exiling spoken of elsewhere. The ruler judges according to what the man did. He may exile him and then throw him into the sea if exile is from one land to another. This exile is like killing, crucifying, and cutting off limbs. But it is a hadd punishment matching severing and crucifixion.
Answers are generated and checked automatically; they may still be incomplete or imperfect. For religious rulings, consult a qualified scholar.
Ask your own question →