How much information should be shared between potential husband and wife before nikkah?

Sources

• ✓ 2:235 · Al-Baqara

  2:235 · Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall

  وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ ٱلنِّسَآءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّآ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ قَوْلًۭا مَّعْرُوفًۭا ۚ وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا۟ عُقْدَةَ ٱلنِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ ٱلْكِتَٰبُ أَجَلَهُۥ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ فَٱحْذَرُوهُ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌۭ

  There is no sin for you in that which ye proclaim or hide in your minds concerning your troth with women. Allah knoweth that ye will remember them. But plight not your troth with women except by uttering a recognised form of words. And do not consummate the marriage until (the term) prescribed is run. Know that Allah knoweth what is in your minds, so beware of Him; and know that Allah is Forgiving, Clement.

• ✓ Majma al-Bayan fi Tafsir al-Qur'an on 2:235

  Shia

  Majma al-Bayan fi Tafsir al-Qur'an · 2:235

  Recitation Variants: This verse is reported as one verse in the Kufan transmission, while others report it as two verses. Occasion of Revelation: The verse addresses matters related to the waiting period ('iddah) and the approach towards women in that state—specifically concerning the engagement and marriage contract during 'iddah. Language Notes: - Al-Ta'rid (allusion or indirect mention): This is contrasted with explicit expression (sarih). Ta'rid involves embedding an indication of an intended meaning within statements rather than stating it openly. Its root is linked to ‘looking over the side’ or ‘adjacency.’ - In the hadith context, it is said: “Whoever uses an indirect insult [‘to ta’rid’] will be disciplined but not subjected to the legal penalty, but whoever explicitly says a curse is subjected to the legal penalty.” The difference between ta’rid and kinayah (allusion/metaphor) is that ta’rid implies embedding a meaning without direct mention, whereas kinayah involves replacing a specific term with a more general or related one. - Al-Khitbah (engagement/ proposal): Literally from speech addressed for understanding; it is “mentioning intended for a marriage contract.” It contrasts with general admonition. - Al-Aknan (concealment): It means concealing something within oneself or concealing intention; derived from ‘al-ken’ meaning to guard or hide; the difference is that ‘aknan’ is inner concealment and is not said as being ‘aknantu’ in the self, while ‘ken’ connotes preservation or safekeeping. - As-Sirr (secret) linguistically has three aspects: concealed in the soul; nobility or closely held status in lineage (e.g., 'he is in the secret of his people'); and the sexual union. - Al-‘Azm (resolution): To bind or make a firm decision. The hadith says: “The best matters are those of which a person is firmly resolved.” - Al-‘Aqdah (knot or bond): From ‘binding’; it appears in contexts like ‘binding an oath’ opposed to idle talk. Grammatical Parsing: - “fima ‘aradtum bihi min khitbat an-nisa’i” (in what you put forth with respect to marriage proposals of women): the preposition and genitive form functions as a circumstantial accusative indicating state. - “an taqulu qawlan ma’rufan” (that you say a known statement): an accusative used as a substitute (badal) for the secret meeting with them. - “wa la tu’azimoo ‘aqdat an-nikah” (and do not resolve the marriage contract): the preposition on ‘aqdat an-nikah’ is understood despite omission. Meaning and Explanation: Having previously discussed the permissibility of having multiple wives and returning to them, the verse now addresses non-husbands interacting with women in ‘iddah after the completion of their waiting period. "There is no blame on you," that is, no sin or harm upon you, O men, "in what you put forth with regard to proposing to such women" — meaning, you may express your desire for them, even without explicitly formalizing the proposal. This is referred to as ‘ta’rid’ or indirect declaration. Interpretations vary: - Ibn ‘Abbas explains ta’rid as a man saying to the woman in ‘iddah, “I intend marriage; I love such and such woman with these attributes,” mentioning qualities she possesses. - Al-Qasim ibn Muhammad and Al-Sha‘bi mention that it means expressing the woman’s benefit, agreement, or charm without formal engagement. - Ibn Zayd states it encompasses all speech short of a formal marriage contract. “Or you confine it within yourselves” (aknantum fi anfusikum), i.e., you keep your intention secretly or concealed regarding marriage after the ‘iddah. Here too, explanations differ: - Some say it indicates secret determination without showing it, while ‘ta’rid’ is the open indication. “And Allah knows that you will disclose them,” meaning that God is aware you will eventually mention or declare your intention, possibly out of concern that someone else may precede you. “But do not make a secret promise to them except to say a known statement.” Here multiple interpretations arise: 1. It forbids secret promises because the woman is unrelated (ajnabiya); secret promises might lead to impermissible acts. 2. The term ‘promise’ refers to clandestine sexual relations, equating secret meetings as an approach toward fornication, thus they are prohibited. 3. It forbids clandestine promises of exclusivity preventing her from marrying another, i.e., a secret agreement barring her from being wed elsewhere. 4. It prohibits a secret vow of immediate marriage. 5. It suggests that the ‘secret’ is frequent intimate relations without public disclosure or mention. 6. It forbids concealing the marriage contract itself. A unifying report from Imam al-Sadiq says: do not openly declare marriage or betrothal, and secret here includes saying “you are to meet at so-and-so’s house.” “But say a known statement,” refers to permissible indirect expressions allowed by God — that is, the reason for the prohibition is prohibited secret promises, while permissible is open or known mention. “And do not resolve the marriage contract (‘aqdat an-nikah’) on such a woman before the prescribed waiting period is completed.” Meaning, do not initiate or consummate the marriage contract during her ‘iddah. The mention is not to forbid decisive intention to marry after ‘iddah; that is permitted, as in the phrase, “or you conceal it in your souls.” “Until the decree reaches its term.” This means: until the ‘iddah ends without dispute. Some understand “al-kitāb” (the Book) here as the Quran, or as the written decree meaning the fixed term that must conclude before the marriage contract can be formalized. It is likened metaphorically to a debt recorded in a book that is deferred until its due date arrives — similarly, the engagement or marriage contract is delayed until ‘iddah ends. “Know that Allah knows what is in your souls” — your secret intentions and inner feelings — “so fear Him.” “Informed God is forgiving and forbearing,” indicating He forgives the slips of His servants while restraining immediate punishment, awaiting the proper time for recompense.

• ✓ Sahih Muslim 16:145

  Sunni SAHIH

  Sahih Muslim · Book 16, Hadith 145 · Narrated by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri

  The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Among the greatest trusts before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who confides in his wife, and she confides in him, then he reveals her secret."