Is it permissible to have a girlfriend without having physical contact with her?

Sources

• ✓ 4:19 · An-Nisaa

  4:19 · Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall

  يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرْهًۭا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا۟ بِبَعْضِ مَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَٰحِشَةٍۢ مُّبَيِّنَةٍۢ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَيَجْعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًۭا كَثِيرًۭا

  O ye who believe! It is not lawful for you forcibly to inherit the women (of your deceased kinsmen), nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them that ye may take away a part of that which ye have given them, unless they be guilty of flagrant lewdness. But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good.

• ✓ Tafsir Ibn Kathir on 4:19

  Sunni

  Tafsir Ibn Kathir · 4:19

  This verse, "O you who believe, it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will..." was revealed to abolish a pre-Islamic Arab custom concerning widows. Ibn Abbas narrated that before Islam, when a man died, his male relatives—often his closest kin—would claim the widow. Some would choose to marry her themselves, others would arrange a marriage for her, and some would prevent her from marrying anyone else. They had priority over her and her own family had no say. This practice was oppressive to the women, forcing them into relationships without consent. Ibn Abbas explained that part of the practice involved the man taking the bride’s dowry back if he disliked her, sometimes barring her from remarrying. God therefore legislated against this injustice, prohibiting men from inheriting women against their will or causing them harm to reclaim any dowry or gifts given to them, unless the wife commits a clear immoral act justifying such a measure. The hadith and reports collected by Imam Bukhari, Abu Dawud, An-Nasa’i, Ibn Marduyah, and Ibn Abi Hatim trace the revelation to cases like that of Abu Qays ibn Al-Aslat whose son wanted to marry his widow, a common control exercised by kin before Islam. This prohibition aimed to end the practice called “al-adl,” where male relatives would trap the widow, hoping she would die or be coerced into returning the dowry when they inherited her marriage. These verses forbid denying women their rights or mistreating them to reclaim wealth, emphasizing fair and kind treatment. The command "and live with them in kindness" indicates spouses should conduct themselves with gentleness, kindness, and respect, mirroring how they wish to be treated by their wives. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ exemplified this through his noble, pleasant behavior and affection towards his wives. The verse also encourages patience if one dislikes his wife, reminding believers that what seems unpleasant may hold great good for them, including blessings through children born within marriage. Further, if a husband seeks to replace one wife with another and has given a large dowry, he must not unjustly take back any portion of that dowry; doing so would be slander and an evident sin. Ibn Umar, Ibn Abbas, Mujahid, and other early scholars clarify that the "clear immoral act" (fahisha mubayyinah) primarily means adultery or open disobedience, which would permit the husband to reclaim the dowry and separate from her. The verse ends with a stern warning against marrying women who were once married to one’s fathers, declaring it foul, hateful, and a terrible path. This ruling honors and respects fathers and forbids that relationship utterly in Islam, as unanimously agreed upon by scholars. Instances from the Prophet’s time demonstrate this was a marked break from some pre-Islamic practices. In essence, the entire passage explains the context of these regulations to protect women’s dignity and marital rights, eradicating oppressive pre-Islamic customs regarding widows, mandating respectful spousal relations, setting rules for dowry return, and forbidding incestuous marriages. The explanation is supported by many hadith and reports from companions and early scholars illustrating the transformative social justice introduced by Islam in marital and inheritance laws.