Is romantic love permissible before marriage?

Sources

• ✓ 2:235 · Al-Baqara

  2:235 · Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall

  وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ ٱلنِّسَآءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّآ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ قَوْلًۭا مَّعْرُوفًۭا ۚ وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا۟ عُقْدَةَ ٱلنِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ ٱلْكِتَٰبُ أَجَلَهُۥ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ فَٱحْذَرُوهُ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌۭ

  There is no sin for you in that which ye proclaim or hide in your minds concerning your troth with women. Allah knoweth that ye will remember them. But plight not your troth with women except by uttering a recognised form of words. And do not consummate the marriage until (the term) prescribed is run. Know that Allah knoweth what is in your minds, so beware of Him; and know that Allah is Forgiving, Clement.

• ✓ Tafsir Ibn Kathir on 2:235

  Sunni

  Tafsir Ibn Kathir · 2:235

  The Exalted says: “And there is no blame upon you for that in which you make an offer of marriage to women during their waiting period after the death of their husbands without explicit commitment.” This ruling comes from the consensus of various early Islamic scholars, including Al-Thawri, Shu‘bah, Jarir, and others who narrated from Mansur, who in turn narrated from Mujahid, and from Ibn ‘Abbas. They explained that making an offer (ta‘rīḍ) means saying things such as, “I intend to marry,” or “I love a woman and would like to marry her,” expressed in a decent and respectful manner, without forming an official proposal that binds either party. For example, expressing a wish that God grant one a righteous wife. This is permitted so long as the woman remains in her ‘iddah (waiting period), and no formal engagement or marriage contract occurs. Imam Al-Bukhari transmitted a related report from Ibn ‘Abbas through a chain of narrators confirming this interpretation. Renowned commentators like Mujahid, Tawus, Ikrimah, Sa‘id ibn Jubayr, Ibrahim An-Nakha‘i, Al-Sha‘bi, Al-Hasan, Qatadah, Az-Zuhri, Yazid ibn Qusait, Muqatil ibn Hayyan, Al-Qasim ibn Muhammad and others among the Salaf held that it is permissible for a widower to conduct such non-binding proposals to his deceased wife during her ‘iddah without explicit engagement. The same applies to a divorced woman whose ‘iddah is ongoing; proposals made without formal engagement are also allowed. The Prophet (peace be upon him) demonstrated this when he instructed Fatimah bint Qays, after her husband Abu ‘Amr ibn Hafs divorced her by the third pronouncement, to observe the ‘iddah in the house of Ibn Umm Maktum, and upon completion, she was proposed to and married by Usama ibn Zayd, his freedman. However, regarding a revocable divorce ('raj‘i divorce), there is no difference of opinion that no other man can propose or make offers to the woman during her ‘iddah, nor can she become engaged to anyone else. Allah knows best. Regarding His statement: “Or you have concealed within yourselves” — that is, you have harbored in your hearts intentions or hidden thoughts of proposing to them. This is akin to Allah’s words: “Your Lord knows what is in their breasts and what they reveal” (28:69) and “And I know what you conceal and what you reveal” (33:5). Thus, He said: “Allah knows that you will remember them inwardly,” indicating the allowance that Allah lifts constraints on what chosen individuals contemplate internally. But He commands: “But do not make a secret promise to them.” This was explained by early authorities such as Abu Majlaz, Abu Ash-Sha‘thā’ (Jabir ibn Zayd), Al-Hasan Al-Basri, Ibrahim An-Nakha‘i, Qatadah, Ad-Dahhak, Ar-Rabi‘ ibn Anas, Sulaiman At-Taymi, Muqatil ibn Hayyan, and As-Suddi to mean clandestine commitments of unlawful or immoral nature—specifically adultery. This matches the narration of Al-‘Awfi from Ibn ‘Abbas, preferred by Al-Tabari. Ali ibn Abi Talhah, quoting Ibn ‘Abbas, also interpreted “do not secretly promise them” as not telling a woman things like “I am in love with you” or making her vow not to marry another, or anything prompting exclusivity. Likewise, Sa‘id ibn Jubayr, Al-Sha‘bi, Ikrimah, Abu Ad-Duha, Ad-Dahhak, Az-Zuhri, Mujahid, and Al-Thawri all held that this forbids taking a binding pledge from a woman not to marry another, especially during ‘iddah. Some narrations quote Mujahid’s wording that the man is saying to the woman, “Do not pass me over; I intend to marry you.” Qatadah explained that this prohibition relates to taking a pledge from the woman in her ‘iddah not to wed another man. Allah forbade this while permitting polite proposals and kind speech. Ibn Zayd said the prohibition also covers secretly marrying the woman within her ‘iddah and then making it public once the ‘iddah ends. It is possible the verse encompasses all the above meanings, as it says “except that you say a word of kindness”—explained by Ibn ‘Abbas, Mujahid, Sa‘id ibn Jubayr, As-Suddi, Al-Thawri, and Ibn Zayd—that is, what was mentioned earlier permitting proper offers like “I desire you.” Muhammad ibn Sirin asked ‘Ubaidah about the clause “except that you say a word of kindness,” and he said it denotes telling her guardian: “Do not marry her off before informing me,” thus barring a premature marriage. This is reported by Ibn Abi Hatim. Regarding: “And do not resolve the marriage contract until the prescribed period reaches its term,” that is, one should not conclude the marriage contract while the ‘iddah period is still running. Ibn ‘Abbas, Mujahid, Al-Sha‘bi, Qatadah, Ar-Rabi‘ ibn Anas, Abu Malik, Zayd ibn Aslam, Muqatil ibn Hayyan, Az-Zuhri, ‘Ata’ Al-Khurasani, As-Suddi, Al-Thawri, and Ad-Dahhak all agree that “until the prescribed term” means until the ‘iddah ends. The scholars unanimously concur that the marriage contract during ‘iddah is not valid. They differ as to the ruling on marrying a woman during her ‘iddah if the consummation takes place: is the marriage permanent or to be dissolved? The majority hold that the wife is not permanently forbidden to the second husband; he may propose again after the ‘iddah ends. Imam Malik asserted it is permanently forbidden, citing narrations that ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) ordered separation when such marriages occurred during ‘iddah, enforcing that the woman complete the ‘iddah of her first husband, then she could be legitimately free to marry another. If the second man consummated the marriage, he had to separate, then her ‘iddah continued with both husbands sequentially, and the second husband never married her permanently. They explain this by saying the husband who rushed the marriage contract before Allah’s permitted term was punished by annulment of the marriage permanently, like an intentional murderer forfeiting inheritance. Al-Shafi‘i reported this view from Malik and Al-Bayhaqi noted that Malik abandoned it later based on Ali’s statement that it is lawful for such a marriage. Further, there is evidence that ‘Umar retracted his opinion, as reported by Al-Thawri from Ash‘ath from Al-Sha‘bi, from Masruq, who narrated that ‘Umar accepted the marriage, granted her dower, and allowed them to live together. Finally, Allah warns: “And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him,” cautioning believers about the secret inclinations concerning women’s affairs, urging concealment of good and avoidance of evil intentions, reminding them that Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing.

• ✓ Majma al-Bayan fi Tafsir al-Qur'an on 2:235

  Shia

  Majma al-Bayan fi Tafsir al-Qur'an · 2:235

  Recitation Variants: This verse is reported as one verse in the Kufan transmission, while others report it as two verses. Occasion of Revelation: The verse addresses matters related to the waiting period ('iddah) and the approach towards women in that state—specifically concerning the engagement and marriage contract during 'iddah. Language Notes: - Al-Ta'rid (allusion or indirect mention): This is contrasted with explicit expression (sarih). Ta'rid involves embedding an indication of an intended meaning within statements rather than stating it openly. Its root is linked to ‘looking over the side’ or ‘adjacency.’ - In the hadith context, it is said: “Whoever uses an indirect insult [‘to ta’rid’] will be disciplined but not subjected to the legal penalty, but whoever explicitly says a curse is subjected to the legal penalty.” The difference between ta’rid and kinayah (allusion/metaphor) is that ta’rid implies embedding a meaning without direct mention, whereas kinayah involves replacing a specific term with a more general or related one. - Al-Khitbah (engagement/ proposal): Literally from speech addressed for understanding; it is “mentioning intended for a marriage contract.” It contrasts with general admonition. - Al-Aknan (concealment): It means concealing something within oneself or concealing intention; derived from ‘al-ken’ meaning to guard or hide; the difference is that ‘aknan’ is inner concealment and is not said as being ‘aknantu’ in the self, while ‘ken’ connotes preservation or safekeeping. - As-Sirr (secret) linguistically has three aspects: concealed in the soul; nobility or closely held status in lineage (e.g., 'he is in the secret of his people'); and the sexual union. - Al-‘Azm (resolution): To bind or make a firm decision. The hadith says: “The best matters are those of which a person is firmly resolved.” - Al-‘Aqdah (knot or bond): From ‘binding’; it appears in contexts like ‘binding an oath’ opposed to idle talk. Grammatical Parsing: - “fima ‘aradtum bihi min khitbat an-nisa’i” (in what you put forth with respect to marriage proposals of women): the preposition and genitive form functions as a circumstantial accusative indicating state. - “an taqulu qawlan ma’rufan” (that you say a known statement): an accusative used as a substitute (badal) for the secret meeting with them. - “wa la tu’azimoo ‘aqdat an-nikah” (and do not resolve the marriage contract): the preposition on ‘aqdat an-nikah’ is understood despite omission. Meaning and Explanation: Having previously discussed the permissibility of having multiple wives and returning to them, the verse now addresses non-husbands interacting with women in ‘iddah after the completion of their waiting period. "There is no blame on you," that is, no sin or harm upon you, O men, "in what you put forth with regard to proposing to such women" — meaning, you may express your desire for them, even without explicitly formalizing the proposal. This is referred to as ‘ta’rid’ or indirect declaration. Interpretations vary: - Ibn ‘Abbas explains ta’rid as a man saying to the woman in ‘iddah, “I intend marriage; I love such and such woman with these attributes,” mentioning qualities she possesses. - Al-Qasim ibn Muhammad and Al-Sha‘bi mention that it means expressing the woman’s benefit, agreement, or charm without formal engagement. - Ibn Zayd states it encompasses all speech short of a formal marriage contract. “Or you confine it within yourselves” (aknantum fi anfusikum), i.e., you keep your intention secretly or concealed regarding marriage after the ‘iddah. Here too, explanations differ: - Some say it indicates secret determination without showing it, while ‘ta’rid’ is the open indication. “And Allah knows that you will disclose them,” meaning that God is aware you will eventually mention or declare your intention, possibly out of concern that someone else may precede you. “But do not make a secret promise to them except to say a known statement.” Here multiple interpretations arise: 1. It forbids secret promises because the woman is unrelated (ajnabiya); secret promises might lead to impermissible acts. 2. The term ‘promise’ refers to clandestine sexual relations, equating secret meetings as an approach toward fornication, thus they are prohibited. 3. It forbids clandestine promises of exclusivity preventing her from marrying another, i.e., a secret agreement barring her from being wed elsewhere. 4. It prohibits a secret vow of immediate marriage. 5. It suggests that the ‘secret’ is frequent intimate relations without public disclosure or mention. 6. It forbids concealing the marriage contract itself. A unifying report from Imam al-Sadiq says: do not openly declare marriage or betrothal, and secret here includes saying “you are to meet at so-and-so’s house.” “But say a known statement,” refers to permissible indirect expressions allowed by God — that is, the reason for the prohibition is prohibited secret promises, while permissible is open or known mention. “And do not resolve the marriage contract (‘aqdat an-nikah’) on such a woman before the prescribed waiting period is completed.” Meaning, do not initiate or consummate the marriage contract during her ‘iddah. The mention is not to forbid decisive intention to marry after ‘iddah; that is permitted, as in the phrase, “or you conceal it in your souls.” “Until the decree reaches its term.” This means: until the ‘iddah ends without dispute. Some understand “al-kitāb” (the Book) here as the Quran, or as the written decree meaning the fixed term that must conclude before the marriage contract can be formalized. It is likened metaphorically to a debt recorded in a book that is deferred until its due date arrives — similarly, the engagement or marriage contract is delayed until ‘iddah ends. “Know that Allah knows what is in your souls” — your secret intentions and inner feelings — “so fear Him.” “Informed God is forgiving and forbearing,” indicating He forgives the slips of His servants while restraining immediate punishment, awaiting the proper time for recompense.