What does being an obedient wife really mean?

Sources

• ✓ 4:34 · An-Nisaa

  4:34 · Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall

  ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا

  Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.

• ✓ Tafsir Ibn Kathir on 4:34

  Sunni

  Tafsir Ibn Kathir · 4:34

  The Exalted says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women," meaning that the man is responsible for the woman; he is her head, her superior, the one in authority over her, and the one who disciplines her if she deviates. This is because Allah has favored some over others, meaning that men have been given a degree of superiority over women. Specifically, men are considered better than women in certain respects, which is why prophethood and major rulership have historically been assigned to men. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, "A people who appoint a woman to lead them will never prosper," recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari from 'Abd al-Rahman ibn Abi Bakrah. Similarly, positions of judgment and others of authority have been predominantly male roles. It continues: "and because they spend from their wealth," referring to the dowries, financial support, and other obligations that Allah has prescribed upon men to provide for their wives according to His Book and the Prophet’s Sunnah. Since men are superior in their nature and have more responsibilities, it is fitting that they are maintainers of women, as Allah says elsewhere: "And men have a degree over them [women]" (Qur'an 2:228). Ali ibn Abi Talhah, reporting from Ibn 'Abbas, explains "Men are protectors and maintainers of women" to mean that men are rulers over them, and women should obey their husbands in what is commanded, which includes being good to his family and preserving his property. This view is supported by commentators like Muqatil, al-Suddi, and al-Dhahhak. Al-Hasan al-Basri recounted that a woman came to the Prophet ﷺ accusing her husband of striking her. The Prophet ﷺ said "retribution" should apply, but then Allah revealed this verse, and the woman left without retribution being enacted. Ibn Jarir and Ibn Abi Hatim narrate this from multiple chains, with Qatadah and others likewise reporting it. Another chain relates that a man brought his wife before the Prophet ﷺ complaining of his harsh treatment, and the Prophet ﷺ responded that such treatment was not permissible, then Allah revealed this verse emphasizing that men are to be maintainers with a form of good conduct. The Prophet ﷺ then said, "I intended one thing, but Allah intended something else." Al-Sha'bi commented that the dowry mentioned in this verse refers to the sum given to the wife, emphasizing that if a husband rejects her, she may curse him, and if a wife rejects him, she may be punished. Regarding the phrase "good women are devoutly obedient," Ibn 'Abbas and others interpret this as women obedient to their husbands, guarding their honor and property in their husband's absence. Al-Suddi and others add that this refers to preserving her husband’s interests, both of person and wealth. The phrase "by that which Allah has guarded" means that Allah has preserved these women through His protection. Ibn Jarir relates a hadith from Abu Hurayrah in which the Prophet ﷺ said: "The best among women is she who pleases you when you look at her, obeys you when you command her, and guards you in your absence regarding herself and your wealth." The Prophet ﷺ then recited this verse. Imam Ahmad narrates from Yahya ibn Ishaq who transmitted that the Prophet ﷺ said: "If a woman observes her five daily prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she is told: Enter Paradise through any gate you wish." On the phrase "and those who fear disobedience from them," this refers to wives whom their husbands fear may rebel or rise against them. The term 'nushuz' means to rise in opposition, neglect duties, or turn away with hostility. When signs of such rebellion appear, the husband should admonish her and warn her of Allah’s punishment, as Allah has established a right for the husband on the wife to obey him and forbidden disobedience. The Prophet ﷺ also said, "If I were to command anyone to prostrate to another, I would have commanded wives to prostrate to their husbands because of the greatness of their right over them." (Reported by al-Bukhari from Abu Hurayrah). Also, the Prophet ﷺ said, "If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, the angels curse her until morning." (Reported by Muslim). Hence, the command "admonish them." Next, "and forsake them in bed." Ali ibn Abi Talhah, from Ibn 'Abbas, explains that this means not having conjugal relations, turning away from her in bed, and some add refraining from talking or conversing. Ali ibn Abi Talhah also reports: first admonish her; if she complies, then good; otherwise, forsake her in bed without talking or intimacy but without divorcing her, which is a serious matter. Mujahid, al-Sha'bi, Ibrahim, Muhammad ibn Ka'b, Miqsam, and Qatadah define the forsaking as refraining from sexual relations. Abu Dawud quotes a hadith in which the Prophet ﷺ says: "If you fear disobedience from your wives, then forsake them in bed," interpreted as sexual abstinence. Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah asked the Prophet ﷺ about the rights of a wife, and he replied: "Feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her face, do not insult her, and do not leave her except in the house." Finally, "and strike them" means that if a woman persists after admonition and forsaking, the husband may lightly strike her in a non-harmful way. This is confirmed through sahih reports, such as the hadith of Jabir who reported the Prophet ﷺ said during his farewell pilgrimage: "Fear Allah regarding women; they are entrusted to you. You have no right to let anyone you dislike lie with them. If they do so, you may strike them lightly but in a way that does not bring damage. They have a right to be fed and clothed in kindness." Ibn 'Abbas and others clarify that hitting must not be harmful or leave marks or break any bones. Ali ibn Abi Talhah, reporting from Ibn 'Abbas, adds that if she turns back, then one may strike lightly but not break bones and if she does not accept this, the husband may seek compensation. Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah, from al-Zuhri and others, reports from narrators that the Prophet ﷺ said: "Do not strike the female servants of Allah." Umar ibn al-Khattab came to the Prophet ﷺ complaining about women resisting their husbands, and the Prophet ﷺ permitted light striking. He later scolded the men, saying that women complaining about their husbands were not the best among you. Imam Ahmad narrates a similar transmission where a man beating his wife is not to be questioned about why, nor to complain except softly, omitting the third instruction reportedly forgotten. If the woman obeys her husband, do not seek a way against her; the husband’s rights end when she fulfills what Allah has permitted and does not obstruct him. Lastly, "Indeed Allah is Most High, Great" serves as a warning to men against abusing women without just cause. Allah is the protector and helper of women and will vindicate those wronged or oppressed by their husbands.

• ✓ Sunan an-Nasa'i 26:36

  Sunni Hasan Sahih (per Al-Albani)

  Sunan an-Nasa'i · Book 26, Hadith 36 · Narrated by Abu Huraira

  It was said to the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, “Which women are best?” He replied, “The woman who pleases him with her glance, obeys his commands, and does not oppose him concerning herself or her wealth in a manner he dislikes.”