Why should a man marry more than one wife, when he clearly cannot treat them equally?
The Qur'an addresses the issue of polygamy and the challenges associated with treating multiple wives equally. In Surah An-Nisaa, it states: Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense.
4:129. This verse acknowledges the inherent difficulty in achieving perfect equality in affection and emotional attachment among multiple wives, even if a man strives to provide for them equally in terms of maintenance and time.
Ibn Kathir explains that while the external aspects of care and provision can be divided fairly, the emotional component may not be distributed equally among wives. The verse encourages fairness in obligations and warns against neglecting any wife entirely, which could lead to emotional harm. The intention behind permitting multiple marriages is not only to address specific social needs—such as caring for widows or orphans—but also to promote justice and compassion within the family structure.
Furthermore, the idea of marrying multiple wives can be seen as a means to foster community and support during times of need, allowing for a broader family network. However, the emphasis is on the requirement of fairness and the importance of not allowing personal feelings to lead to injustice towards any wife.
In essence, while the Qur'an permits multiple marriages, it places a strong emphasis on the ethical obligation to treat each wife with respect and fairness. The guidance is meant to ensure that marriage remains a source of support and not a cause of distress.
Sources
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4:129 · An-Nisaa
4:129 · Muhammad Marmaduke Pickthall
وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُوٓا۟ أَن تَعْدِلُوا۟ بَيْنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ ۖ فَلَا تَمِيلُوا۟ كُلَّ ٱلْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَٱلْمُعَلَّقَةِ ۚ وَإِن تُصْلِحُوا۟ وَتَتَّقُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًۭا رَّحِيمًۭا
Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
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Tafsir Ibn Kathir on 4:129
Tafsir Ibn Kathir · 4:129
Allah Almighty here speaks about the conditions of spouses in three different states: sometimes when the husband grows distant and displeased with the wife, sometimes when they are reconciled and agree, and sometimes when they separate. The first case is when the wife fears that her husband may turn away from her, become cold or neglect her. In such a situation, she has the right to forgo some or all of her financial entitlements like maintenance, clothing, or accommodation, if she wishes, and the husband may accept this without blame or sin on either side. This is indicated by Allah's words: "So there is no blame upon them if they make peace between themselves." Meaning, reconciliation that involves giving up some rights is better than complete separation. The phrase "and reconciliation is better" means mending the relationship is preferred to divorce and separation. The statement "And souls are averse" indicates that making peace despite the harshness between spouses is better than parting ways. This was demonstrated by the example of Sawda bint Zam'a, a wife of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). When she grew older and feared being abandoned, she agreed to waive her turn in favor of Aisha, and the Prophet accepted this arrangement, keeping her among his wives without separating from her. This precedent shows the permissibility and practicality of such concessions in marriage affairs. Narrations based on Ibn Abbas explain that Sawda's fear of divorce led to her giving her day to Aisha, which the Prophet accepted, and it was after this that Allah revealed the verse mentioning a woman fearing her husband's ill-treatment or neglect. Scholars unanimously agree that reconciliation on such terms is permissible. The Shafi'i school and other scholars report that the Prophet allocated his time and affection fairly among his wives, yet the verse acknowledges the reality that perfect equality in love and affection is difficult. The verse calls for fairness in treatment, but human nature inevitably results in preference in matters of love and intimacy. The example of Sawda illustrates practical application. The explanation continues that divorce is something disliked by Allah, as shown in many hadiths where the Prophet said it is the most hated lawful act. Therefore, if the spouses can reconcile and settle on terms, especially involving some concessions from the wife’s side, it is better. The verse's concluding part addresses the third case: if they separate, Allah will provide for each from His bounty, indicating His wisdom and generosity in compensating both parties beyond their union. In summary, this ayah guides spouses towards reconciliation and fairness, permitting the wife to give up certain rights if necessary, emphasizing patience and moderation, and promising Allah's provision and justice whether the marriage continues or ends.
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